a moment of smile..

i guess living without too many mass media means for 10 days has inspired me of using my pen more then ever.. here is another piece from my lithuanian diary written few weeks ago.. this time much more observational and not so emotionally tinted as the last one..

going back to the places where u’ve been raised.. spoilt as a child.. moulded as a teenager.. always gives u special kick.. it’s a natural feeling for everyone and u can hardly avoid comparing and remembering the things the way they used to be and the way u find them now.. however, it’s not really about how they have changed.. but the way u did.. the way u start perceiving them differently.. and the way u observe them with the references of your very own collected baggage..

it’s always good to see familiar things around u.. walk on the streets u used to stroll back and forth.. watch people’s faces and recognize the familiar manners of expression.. accidentally bump into the ones u thought u’ll never meet again.. but not only that.. there are hundreds of changes developed through the time too.. some of them are barely visible.. other ones are shaking surprises for all your senses.. it’s always revealing to see how these places change, move on adapting new forms of development and assimilating with the former traditional assets and norms..

this time i stumbled upon this very simple and very human expression of emotions – a smile, or a laughter.. u could call it a natural expression, just as i called it ‘very human’.. but apparently it’s not.. it’s rather a cultural norm than a natural emotion..

as i can remember way back to time, smile on people’s faces was not a customary matter.. in fact there was no laughter acknowledged in public space.. no matter where u go, u won’t see people laughing or smiling without a particular reason.. if u go to the shop, a cashier won’t say a friendly ‘hello’ or ‘can i help u?’.. at school your teacher won’t give u a single smile even if your performance was excellent.. in the bus people travelling together would whisper to each other not willing to disturb the public order..

but why would u question it if u don’t know it otherwise.. if u don’t know any better?.. it was actually ‘pretty normal’.. or simply ‘the norm’.. i remember my mother always taught me: ‘be serious’, ‘don’t play too loud’, ‘be quiet in public’, ‘watch your manners’.. and it’s not that i had a strict mom.. not at all actually.. these were rather public codes, not personal matters..

weird to think about it back when right now i love smiling and even more i love hearty laughing without any particular reason.. doesn’t have to be funny.. it can be a colourful ribbon fluttering in the wind.. little girl with huge pink ice cream.. or just a heavy rain cloud chasing me into a coffee bar..

i still miss lots of smiles on people’s faces.. spontaneous behaviour and emotional sharing on the streets.. in the pubs.. at schools.. and all other public places.. following this norm i even catch myself putting an emotionless mask every time i pass people on the streets.. without much concern.. just as everyone around..

yesterday i sat in the bus in front of two schoolgirls.. very alive and full of joy.. the laud laughter filled the whole bus sometimes even turning into hysterical notes.. those two had really a ball of time.. the bus was sounding like a cacophonous orchestra with high frequency scale..

i liked sitting right in front of them.. even if most of the times i used to get an uncomfortable feeling in front of really blastingly laughing people.. but not this time.. the comic part was watching the people around who were making almost painful grimaces with condemnatory glances piercing these two enjoying youngsters.. very clearly the privacy was interrupted.. the passengers were taken out of their isolated minds and forced to pay attention to this sounding happening in the bus..

it truly made me smile.. not those two girls having their girlish fun, but the awareness of people.. awareness of joy of others.. which most of us still didn’t learn to take as a peaceful break in our busy minds..

how nice would it be if we could make other’s joy at least for a moment our own?.. how liberating would this be for our crowded overloaded thoughts?.. how colourful a day would be?..

so i guess even the laughter is a norm to learn.. even i am still learning to feel the joy of others and to make it my own.. even if that’s for a moment.. a moment of smile..