i don’t remember when it happened precisely.. or why.. or how.. definitely not out of a sudden.. and probably without any particular reason.. the things have got the way they had to and at the moment the details really do not matter.. even if it took me years to come to this point, right now i can only look back with a peaceful sentiment, take a deep sigh and say good bye without too much drama..
this silence laying on the table between us has spoken enough.. for years.. and even if there were times when i felt like screaming it all out and breaking this ‘matter of course’.. i never did.. so we played year in year out.. believing in the ‘happy-ending’ script.. following the rules ‘as it should be’.. and i have to admit.. the theater was good and we both played it with full lively performance..
well, maybe it was me playing ‘the life’.. the life i always was told and taught about.. the life that my parents never had.. the life that is painted with the colors of ‘happy’, ‘together’ and ‘forever’.. so believe it or not, i did my best and i played this life as sincere as i could.. yet, i played it.. when u instead.. u LIVED it..
unfair?.. yes, but not less painful.. believe me, leaving the one who loves u is just as hard as to be left.. it breaks your heart in thousand sharp pieces that stab u every time u look into his eyes knowing this play will end.. and knowing it all alone.. lasting for years.. just waiting for the right moment.. to escape.. or rather to rescue.. wishing to keep the best memories.. but in the meanwhile destroying them all..
every year around this time the dreams get much more colorful and feelings much more intense.. these unexplainable powers of autumn have always shown me the way i should follow.. there is no exception this year.. the autumn is calling and i’m ready to leave.. once and again to leave another dear place called ‘home’.. the place where all dreams of a little girl could come true.. it’s just that this girl has grown up.. and the dreams have changed..
this silence laying on the table between us has spoken enough.. for years.. and even if there were times when i felt like screaming it all out and breaking this ‘matter of course’.. i never did.. so we played year in year out.. believing in the ‘happy-ending’ script.. following the rules ‘as it should be’.. and i have to admit.. the theater was good and we both played it with full lively performance..
well, maybe it was me playing ‘the life’.. the life i always was told and taught about.. the life that my parents never had.. the life that is painted with the colors of ‘happy’, ‘together’ and ‘forever’.. so believe it or not, i did my best and i played this life as sincere as i could.. yet, i played it.. when u instead.. u LIVED it..
unfair?.. yes, but not less painful.. believe me, leaving the one who loves u is just as hard as to be left.. it breaks your heart in thousand sharp pieces that stab u every time u look into his eyes knowing this play will end.. and knowing it all alone.. lasting for years.. just waiting for the right moment.. to escape.. or rather to rescue.. wishing to keep the best memories.. but in the meanwhile destroying them all..
every year around this time the dreams get much more colorful and feelings much more intense.. these unexplainable powers of autumn have always shown me the way i should follow.. there is no exception this year.. the autumn is calling and i’m ready to leave.. once and again to leave another dear place called ‘home’.. the place where all dreams of a little girl could come true.. it’s just that this girl has grown up.. and the dreams have changed..
yes, i’ll miss u a lot.. and yes, i’ll feel sorry once in a while.. but now, how bluntly this might sound, i have to go to live my life.. the play is over..
1 comment:
This is so well-written!
I could feel the "feeling"
Touching
GBU
Arti
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