there are those moments when i just miss u like hell..
usually i just push them away.. and find another flow of thoughts..
that helps.. in fact life is just so busy and capricious by choice..
there is always something else to do.. to think about..
or not to think about.. it’s just a matter of planning..
a matter of choice..
right now it's one of those moments..
but instead of pushing it away.. i choose to share it with u..
even if u are not there.. nor here..
and i have no idea where u are.. or what u do..
i just want u to know..
I MISS U LIKE CRAZY.. AND I HATE U FOR THAT..
i want to scream it loud.. instead of just keeping it inside..
but let the tears scream.. let the heart beat loudly..
i just wish i had u right here by my side..
i don't even know for what purpose.. or no purpose at all..
travel.. or no travel.. who gives a damn..
just to have u right here.. in my arms.. on my lap..
for a second.. for a minute.. that would do..
seems like ages.. seems we never met..
seems like a dream.. that never happened..
but somehow i always come back to the same stage where i left..
a departure.. and another bunch of questions..
not for u.. not even for myself..
just for sake of questioning the life..
why so many emotions like now..
and why so less at the times..
where are we going..
and for what purpose..
how many different lives are we living..
and how many together..
and why the hell i have to ask this at the moments like this..
thank god.. this doesn't happen much..
thank god.. it's just a moment of extraction..
let it come and go.. let it not become an obsession..
let it wash away with the rains outside..
at the moments like this..
i pray to wake up one bright morning..
and not to remember u at all..
to be clear and blank as a white sheet of paper..
without a single mark of red painted love..
how much easier would that be.. CAN U IMAGINE..?
no waiting.. no impatience.. no emails.. no calls.. no sms's..
dreamless nights.. and days.. afternoon breaks..
no distraction in between.. no plans for the future..
no questioning.. no doubts.. no envy.. no avoidance..
no kilometers in between.. no counting days..
no tears.. but also no smiles..
no tickles.. and no butterflies..
HOW EASY WOULD THAT BE..?
AND HOW EMPTY WOULD THE LIFE APPEAR SUDDENLY..?
so empty and senseless..
that i could probably kill myself from boredom..
i don't know..
but at the moments like this..
i pray for emptiness in my life..
so thank god one more time..
it's just a moment..
which comes and goes..
with the lines above..
with the tears on my lap..
but..
with the fullness in my life..
which is u..
so no matter for what i pray at the moments like this..
stay.. stay fulfilling my life..
forgive for throwing it out.. for sharing useless emotions..
in fact.. it helped.. right now i feel the moment is over..
and i can smile again.. :)
thanx for listening.. even if not being there.. nor here..
good night, love..
